IS IT POSSIBLE TO HEAL OUR SOCIETY’S COLLECTIVE ENERGY?

Growing up I was taught conflicting messages of how I was inherently bad, but seen as perfect by my creator. That my words had power but I had zero power. It took a lot of years on a path of deconstruction but I began to sort out what was true and what was a means of manipulation for control.

Through my own life’s experiences, these conflicting messages made it hard to understand when I felt love, kindness, or forgiveness. But I understood my anger. Angry at the confusion, angry at the teachers who conveyed this message. Angry at those who didn’t fit into my principles that I barely understood myself. 

I started to become mindfully aware of my presence and how I was showing up in the world. Even though love and kindness is what I sought, I acted the opposite; always looking for when someone would fail me. 

My faceted thoughts affected my behavior which had a ripple effect on the collective of people around me. I was surrounded by what I was focusing on; shortcomings, betrayals, failures.

I looked down at the children I was raising, passing this -ish on to them, and something broke free deep down inside of me. 

Micro reflects the macro.

We are all teaching the next generation, regardless if you have physically birthed it or just a presence around it. Your changes increase the change in others. 

Fresh from this realization, I was ready, give me the steps and “put me in coach!” But “steps” is a way of bypassing the work that has to be done. 

First, I had to learn how to stop and do nothing. During this “do nothing” phase I had to spend an uncomfortable amount of time with myself; recognizing the patterns and desires of my mind and heart. I began to see my own conflicted-ness. I was acting in a way that was the opposite of my wants.

Holding these two truths quietly in my mind, wanting love and kindness but acting with rigidity and judgment, I could then start to forgive myself. I was able to recognize the pattern unfolding in my behavior out in the world and stop mid-action, mid-sentence and make a new choice. 

This new micro started changing my macro. 

There were times of loneliness as people drifted out of my life. My circle of friends became a lower-case “o”. The life around me had been built by the old Nicole, it didn’t fit the new one. 

I forgave myself for these old ways and started noticing when others also acted out of similar old conflicting patterns, wanting but behaving oppositely. I was able to start working on forgiving them.  

All of these shifts brought intense chaos of change, but eventually peace. That coming peace is what keeps me in the practice of sitting and “doing nothing”.

Clients who come to me seeking expansion and healing often balk at my mention of this ancient Buddhist practice of Metta or loving-kindness, aka sitting and doing nothing.

I usually hear one of two things, “I am not Buddhist, I am (insert religion)” or “my brain is too busy to meditate.”

Full disclosure, I am not Buddhist either and I have ADHD.

There are many forms of meditation but the one that I coach on is the practice of sitting with a busy mind and bringing it back to the present moment without judgment. 

This component of mindfulness practice has been studied over and over again in psychology, because of its positive altering effects on the mind and body (especially with managing stress/anxiety, chronic somatic pain, & trauma in the body). 

When we learn to sit with this expansion and contraction of the mind a funny thing begins to happen. Physically, our brain changes, our amygdala (emotions) shrinks, and our frontal lobe (reasoning) thickens. These physical changes seem to create a domino effect. People develop deeper patience - with patience comes awareness and with awareness comes the ability to forgive, with forgiveness comes a release of that which no longer serves you. 

Imagine the macro shift in our society if we worked on healing our micro-energy within? 

For those curious, below I have written a guided visualization meditation you can try. The freeing thing about this practice is that, unlike sleep, its effects are cumulative. You are free to practice however it fits your life, daily, weekly, monthly. Focus more on the structure of showing up rather than building a routine. 

The wandering mind. 

Everyone’s mind wanders. Release the expectation that yours shouldn’t. The reward of the practice is to notice when it does and bring it back. If you are breathing you are doing more right than wrong. Regardless of how long you have been practicing, some Days will be easier than others, it is just data to notice not the comparative merit of how it is going. 

Each time you notice your mind has wandered, gently bring your focus back to your breath, inhale & exhale. Then pick back up where you left off.   

1. Beloved Family Member or Friend

   1. Concentrate specifically on a family member or friend receiving and experiencing love and happiness.

      1. Spend a minute thinking about the person. 

      2. Repeat this statement 3 times: 

         1. “I send loving-kindness to _________________________. My wish is that this person experiences only love and happiness in their life.” 

      3. Close your eyes and meditate with the intention that the person named receives love and happiness. Visualize them receiving and experiencing these good things.

2. Neutral Acquaintance

   1. Then you use this embodied sense of loving-kindness toward someone you feel neutral about. 

      1. Spend a minute thinking about the person. 

      2. Repeat this statement 3 times: 

         1. “I send loving-kindness to _________________________. My wish is that this person experiences only love and happiness in their life.” 

      3. Close your eyes and meditate with the intention that the person named receives love and happiness. Visualize them receiving and experiencing these good things.

3. Yourself

   1. Next, think about yourself. This helps cultivate your ability to reverse your programming of old judge and victim stories passed down.

      1. Spend a minute thinking about yourself. 

      2. Repeat this statement 3 times: 

         1. “I send loving-kindness to _________________________. My wish is that I experience only love and happiness in my life.” 

      3. Close your eyes and meditate with the intention that you receive love and happiness. Visualize yourself receiving and experiencing these good things.

4. Disliked Individual

   1. The fourth step is to choose someone you dislike. (it is helpful to first choose a person who you have a mild aversion to then when you are able to work your way up the ladder of people you might loath). This is a difficult but critical step to get toward in our mindful growth. The harbored energy (& hormones) of resentment, dislike, anger, etc is what causes dis-ease in our bodies. Remember that any small effort made toward this reaps reward in your life and the healing rewiring that comes with this work. 

      1. Spend a minute thinking about the person. 

      2. Repeat this statement 3 times: 

         1. “I send loving-kindness to _________________________. My wish is that they experience only love and happiness in their life.” 

      3. Close your eyes and meditate with the intention that the person named receives love and happiness. Visualize them receiving and experiencing these good things.

Want to explore this practice further? Send me a message & let’s talk about what you are hoping to achieve.