MANIPULATING MOTIVATION

People say that they all have the answers on how to get and maintain motivation, but do they really? Does all that actually work?

If so, am I that unmotivated?

Because I need to write, teach, clean, workout, learn, & cook every day (and now we add the pandemic & Texas Summer to our new normal) I am feeling a little lackluster. Curling up with a binge TV show sounds about right for me right now; if not downright healing! 

I want to understand more, so I did a deep dive.

WHAT IS MOTIVATION REALLY?

By definition, motivation is the reason we have for doing (or not doing) and behaving. 

The fancy words used to describe the two types of motivation are “intrinsic” and “extrinsic”. One you feel deep down in your soul (I am guessing I am not really sure where bc I think mine is broken) a sense of purpose is intrinsic. And the kind you get rewarded or punished for, think more money, candy, or gold stars, or some punitive measure like pain, avoidance, or humiliation; is extrinsic. There is a vague third kind that is usually referred to as “family”; it is why we do the things we do for people we love.  

Love is not hard to develop motivation for - what seems to me to be more difficult are the other two. They are the ones I am going to write about because as it turns out the way in which we are incentivized for these two types of motivation can either inspire or become broken (...let’s get to the bottom of that!)

There is a plethora of research and researchers on how to motivate yourself and others. For kicks, you should look up Sam Glucksberg & the “Candle Problem”. He is the guy who tested what happens if you have a problem that requires one form of motivation but you instead reward with the opposite. The author, Dan Pink has given a TED talk over this study and written about how businesses should be changing the way they motivate. 

HERE IS THE GIST (after I lovingly binged on “the internets” just for y’all and not to avoid yard work).

When the task we need to perform is input = output requiring little to no creativity but a zeroed-in focus, extrinsic motivation is your tool. If you put the dishes in the dishwasher you get clean dishes. If you push your chairs in at the table, you don’t have stubbed pinky toes. These are the kind of tasks that extrinsic motivation works best on. Say, for example, If I tell my husband he gets more kisses from me when he actually puts his laundry in the basket instead of on the floor next to the basket - he is motivated! If I tell my son that when he finishes his math work, he gets more driving time - he is motivated!

Now if a task requires creative thought or a solution that isn’t obvious, extrinsic motivation will kill the vibe (like an amazing amount - this is what the Candle Problem experiment shows). These are the kind of tasks that need to have intrinsic motivation. So, tasks like needing to write a paper, creating art, and/or engineering, can’t be given exterior things to motivate.

This is where a person needs to have a say, “full autonomy” in how and when it gets done.

When you give someone free rein to do tasks or projects and focusing on the results, not the methods, they then actually want to do them (eventually). The “why” is because ownership equates with pride and a sense of purpose. Creative tasks are not easy. They require thought and thought requires a lot of frontal brain juice. That is exhausting work. If you put a lot of parameters on someone (micro-manage) and tell them they have to figure out a problem that is not an A + B = C easy kind, then they don’t want to. Why should they put the effort in for something that they don’t have any skin in the game to show off their amazingness? 

STILL NOT WORKING

I bet you’re in one of two minds right now…

1. “Holy Moly… OK, that’s what I need to change to motivate my kids, self, partner,”.

2. “Yeah, so I’ve tried some of this and still nada,”.

If you’re in the first mindset, phenomenal. If you’re in the second, hang with me. From my 22 years of experience in teaching, coaching, and parenting when you are trying to develop intrinsic motivation in someone else, the rub is you have to first establish trust, praise, desire, and needs. 

Before anyone can be motivated to do something creative, they need to have their needs met. We can look at Maslow’s hierarchy and establish a baseline. Think about a pyramid or ladder, the ability to be creative is way at the top. The foundation is built on basic needs: food, water, shelter, safety. 

The middle area has our “rub” for motivation, a sense of belonging, love, and esteem. These are not as straightforward in understanding and maintaining like if they were food/water/shelter.

If you have ever been in a relationship you know how difficult it is to communicate desires and feel loved. This is the juicy stuff of life’s banquet that takes time to develop.

READ: UNDERSTANDING OUR HEARTS DESIRES

The next place to draw attention to BEFORE you can motivate someone intrinsically is with trust.

You might be overhauling your way of doing things by attempting to motivate someone’s sense of purpose. They are probably coming from a background of not having autonomy and are having a hard time trusting this “new” way of doing things. Trust takes time and grace. If you say you are going to do something make sure you do it. Be radical in establishing the change. Trust that motivation will happen. Remove the extrinsic incentives of grades (for what would be appropriate - let’s not get crazy), money, gold stars charts, and let them create. Give a deadline and wait. 

The beautiful thing is they either will do it or not. 

If they don’t, remove shame from the equation. Life offers punitive and natural guilt consequences that we don’t need to add to. If they did not do it they figure out that they don’t get the pride of something finished.

This is where our praise carries weight.

If it didn’t get done, no praise (no bashing or shaming either). If it was accomplished, praise the effort, but be careful about what you say.  

STICKS, STONES, AND WORDS NEVER HURTING BS.

Words matter. 

They always have and they always will. They build up or tear apart. Be mindful of which ones you are using. Too much praise and/or generic praise and we have the inverse effect of motivation and trust-building. Be authentic and specific. If it’s good, say that, and what about it is specifically good. Don’t add or embellish. “You’re so awesome!” is out. “I am impressed that you worked on that for so long it looked hard.” is in. The type of praise you use will motivate someone or it won’t. It goes a long way to building trust that the way of doing and being rewarded for things has shifted and a new foundation is being built that they can live on. 

Next week, let’s talk about “HOW CAN I INSPIRE MYSELF TO STAY MOTIVATED?”.

What things have you found yourself doing - or not doing - with the different types of motivation? Send me a message and let me know

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