7 DESIRES OF THE HEART

What if I told you that whether you are working on your own empowerment, mindset, relationships, or communication that you could experience the largest growth expansion by understanding your heart’s desires/needs?

When we consider what our emotions are telling us about what needs are not met, we can then begin to hear the needs of another behind their actions. Every human on the planet has desires and unmet needs. The way in which we talk, relate, love, parent, work, behave is an effort to help ourselves fulfill these needs and desires.

Imagine if you’re walking along to meet up with a friend and they are running fifteen minutes late, that day you are fuming that they don’t respect you enough to be early or at the very least on time.

When they do finally get there you let them have it.

They can’t believe that you are ranting and they let you know right away how incredibly selfish you are being.

What happened?

The first step to understanding yourself is understanding what you need, want, desire, value. Once you are able to identify what those are for you, you can better learn how to establish healthier boundaries for yourself and hold those boundaries with others. After a while, you start to see the holes left in other people and why they do what they do. All of which will bring an ability in yourself to hold a bigger space for grace than you knew possible.

Let’s take a look behind the needs in our imaginary example, the “fuming disrespected” you might need to realize that you value being chosen. The “late friend who projected” dissatisfaction at your rant and called it ‘selfish’, may want to recognize they’d like to have more support in their life and be heard and understood.

How different would our daily interactions be if we knew this kind of magic? What are these elusive seven?!

There are a plethora of psychologists who are working on research in this field, the Lasser’s might just be the most well known for their contributions in defining what the desires are and the common traits and behaviors that we display when we are searching for them.

Wait no more, I have listed below a synopsis of the seven common desires among all of us walking upright and some of the behaviors we exhibit when we are searching for fulfillment from them.

To Be Heard & Understood

Trying to tell the person you are in a relationship with [your husband/friend/partner/child] your frustration, need, or desire and they aren’t listening or don’t seem to get it. This desire is often rooted in childhood. When we are unpracticed in talking about our needs or what is going on inside of us, listening to others gets trumped by the need to be heard. When we learn to listen to ourselves and to others’ feelings and thoughts we learn to share our own and increase our intimacy with others. 

To Be Affirmed

This is in reference to the things we do. When we do not have affirmation in our lives we feel isolated and lonely. It becomes easy to lose sight of how we feel internally when we have a constant message of failure. We become afraid to move in any direction because we fear we will not make the ‘right’ choice/move/etc. Often we have lots of thoughts on never being satisfied. 

To Be Blessed

This is in reference to who we are. We all long to be loved for who we are. Not having this makes us feel angry and sad, lacking in joy. We consistently feel trapped in our life choices, needs, and desires of others, feelings of unworthiness, unready to receive help. 

To Be Safe

There is often the feeling of “the rug is about to be pulled out from under us”.  When we don’t feel safe growing up this lack manifests as worry and obsession about things, like fantasizing and dreaming up quick “escape” schemes. 

To Be Touched

This is two-fold. We have a longing to be physically touched from birth in a nonsexual way. And we develop sexual desires as we mature. When both of these are fulfilled in life we feel satisfied and emotionally connected and balanced. 

To Be Chosen

When we do not feel chosen we feel not right/falling short for others. We go to great lengths to do the opposite of what we really want. We behave in a way that causes others to not choose us - the very thing we want. 

To Be Included

This is closely related to “being chosen” but in a broader sense. We want to belong in a community/family unit. Our choices can often be distorted by the fear that we won’t be included. 

Wondering what habits and behaviors are rooted in searching for your own desires? Send me a message